Soul often repeats important lessons to me in different ways and through different people. Belief in myself and in Spirit are popular themes of my Soul conversations and these ‘belief’ conversations come up more when I’m facing a new creative challenge. I’d like to think I’m getting better at believing and trusting, but occasionally Soul sends the lesson in a different voice.

I have a wonderful friend named Diane. We met the first time I attended a yoga class about 2 years ago. She has a friendly, outgoing personality and initiated a conversation with me after class. Diane radiates love by showing gratitude for your friendship. She accepts you, believes in you and supports you in your endeavors.

I have nicknamed her ‘lotus of 1,000 petals’ because at 72 years old, she continually embraces new people and experiences. She steps out of her comfort zone, expands herself to try new things like belly dancing, kayaking, camping or a hippie festival. All along unfolding the petals of who she is, a sensitive and bright soul (literally and figuratively) and she knows how to call me out in her sweet and gentle way when I'm bullshitting myself.

Before I birthed this blog site out into the universe (an adventure I felt destined to take), I was apprehensive about it. Hesitation, procrastination, and any other debilitating ‘tion’ word you choose to use, were my constant partners. But now I know now that the essence of those feelings was fear. In her way, over a glass of wine, Diane said “just write it Colleen, just do it. Others want to hear what you have to say (big pause, puppy dog eyes) …I want to hear what you have to say.”

Well holy shit! Talk about tugging at my heart strings! How could I let my friend down? For that matter, how could I let me down? Letting the ‘tions’, the fears stand in the way of doing this thing I’d dreamed about? Writing the true me, my stories, putting myself out there basically ‘naked’ for all the universe to see, while having no attachment to the results, no expectations. How long could I keep getting ready for the doing, before actually doing it? (Something my daughter Vicky has mentioned to me countless times before.) Diane was my wakeup call that day. She cut through all that crap in 10 seconds!

Soul has assured me many times, through a variety of messages, and other peoples voices, that ‘those who are meant to read my blog it will read it. Those who are meant to gain from it will gain from it. The who and whys are not my business. Be bold.’ I felt like I was letting Diane down, not only her but myself and the elusive ‘those who are meant to read it.’ Her statement must have been the push I needed that day, as the website was ‘live’ with my first blog post less than a week later.

This is a typical ‘belief’ conversation with Soul. May 2022

[Soul] You don't have to try so hard. We’re here with you. You won’t miss anything from us. Don’t let that small instant of fear come in. It will all come together in an easy, relaxing, pleasant manner, in a most benevolent way. We know you don’t want to feel any ‘pressure,’ then don’t. This should be joyful, fun! You are already worrying about things you don’t need to worry about. Trust us, trust yourself have faith everything will happen as it should.

[Me] Wayne Dyer (I’ve asked him to show up for me a couple of times) Thank you for your reminder that you often didn’t know what you were going to say before you went on stage to say it. You trusted Spirit.

[Wayne] We have your back, never fear

[Me] Sorry I doubted you

[Wayne] No sorries

[Me] I fear starting, I fear making a mistake

[Wayne] Start anywhere. You can’t make any mistakes. We are here with you. Gather your thoughts, roll with what you’ve already started on, and we’ll send more when you’re ready. Yes, yes, in linear fashion is fine for Earth

[Me] I just want to bring some logic to it, some linearity or science, or whatever it takes to make sense to someone who is questioning whether Spirit exists or what their purpose is

[Soul/Wayne] They will get it when they get it, just do your thing. You cannot fail. Do not hamstring yourself. You’ll be surprised of the complete circle when you’re done

[Me] Thank you!

[Soul] Thank us!

[Me] 😊 Sorry

[Soul] No Sorries!

[Me] Sometimes I forget my own magnificence

[Soul] We are all with you to remind you. We are all one, we are all magnificence and cannot be diminished. So, it is

Which brings me to last night’s call with Diane. My new creative challenge, something I had never considered in broad strokes, is to write children’s books. Stories about Paisley the dragonfly and Shine (Augustus) the flying pig. Tales that encompass the Things I want My Grandchildren To Understand that I referred to in Blog #12. Concepts like friendship, uplifting yourself and others, compassion, the beauty of one’s own uniqueness, change, positivity, believing in yourself, judgment, bullying, fear, growth, and the list goes on.

I know nothing, not-a-damn thing about writing children’s books, and have spent the last week or so learning about them. Their length, formatting, levels of readership, illustrations, number of syllables in words for different age groups, the number of sentences, the number of total words in a book, etc. After telling my friend Diane about my studies, she says “Why don’t you just write the story Colleen? You can change anything you need to later to make it what it needs to be?”

Why? Why? Why…well…ummm, why was I again spending all my time preparing? [Argument with myself ensues] How long am I going to spend getting ready for the doing, before actually doing the doing? Well, I’ve never written children’s books before, and I might fail at it. Maybe, no one will want to read my books to their child! Maybe, I’ll be seen as not having a freakin’ clue about what I’m doing, because that’s how I feel?

And...then...the...Lightbulb! There it is again, creeping in silently like a stealthy ninja bacterium, that little bastard Fear.

Well, guess what Fear!?! I’m not going to give you the opportunity to niggle in deep this time! I’m not going to let you invade me like a germ and spread yourself about. I’ve had enough successes in boldly going where I’ve never gone before, to see that you don’t even need to be acknowledged. And don’t think you’re going to show up in one of your disguise’s either. I disown you; I’m revoking your membership card to club Colleen! So be it and so it is!

Maybe, this time I’ve got the concept Soul. Fear not, trust, believe. I’ll be 65 years old in October, I just don’t have time for the bullshit of fear anymore. None of us do, no matter what our age.

Until next time, peace and love.

P.S. On the morning of October 5th I wrote the story and am now working with an illustrator on the book design 😊