Prior to 2016 I had focused on using intentions to manifest what I desired, with a limited degree of success. But those methods just weren’t producing results on a consistent basis. I had used many different techniques like creating subliminal recordings on cassette tapes, flash cards to repeat intentions daily, building vision boards, etc.
I was following ‘the rules’ as I knew them; repeating my intentions often, creating intentions involving ‘the highest good of all involved’ or ‘for the greater good’ (like I would even have a clue about what that was). I wrote intentions for world peace and love and how I could serve humanity. About my calling which I was sure involved writing. How I would serve others, while having fun writing. My syntax, punctuation and grammar would hold my readers’ interest, teach them something or at least entertain them.
I understood that my thoughts and words create my reality, so why wasn’t this working? Somehow, I am misunderstanding something or not doing something correctly and unfortunately, my little intention train that could…just couldn’t. I couldn’t move forward on the track of success. On one hand, I was trying to manifest with intention and on the other hand, I doubted myself.
In my journal notes back then, I expressed that I had a tough time writing. It was hard to think of subjects to write about and I questioned myself, what could I write about that someone else hasn’t already written about? Maybe I would be better at it if I had a specific goal or project? Basically, who was I to think I could be an effective writer? Who was I to think I had anything of value to say? Who was I to think I was any better than anyone else at this thing? Who was I…???
Oh…well…there it is. That oh-so-familiar feeling of inferiority that I have come to know so well and for so long. That ‘maybe’ I’m just not good enough, talented enough, interesting enough, don’t deserve it, don’t have enough knowledge or skill or whatever, whatever, whatever! That voice could go on (and on and on) and give me infinite reasons why I couldn’t do what I dreamed of doing. Inferiority comes seeping out, like ten pounds of bullshit in a five pound bag. And it brings its bosom buddy…’if Only.’
“If Only” specializes in judgment and blame. If Only gives me reasons to beat up my own self-esteem and support Inferiority. If Only I’d practiced more, I might be better at this. If Only I worked harder at it, If Only I started younger, if Only I paid more attention in English classes, if Only, if Only, if Only! This freakin’ damage duo had been around for years and I was so, so flippin’ tired of their voices. They’re exhausting and I just want to shut them the hell up forever!
Oh, light bulb moment…something that seems to show up when I’m really frustrated. How could I accomplish anything with intention while tearing myself down at the same time? No wonder I didn’t have the success I been seeking, because I’m in the middle of a tug of war. On one end is ‘what I want’ and on the other is ‘Inferiority and If Only.’ This sucks! What to do? Well, I don’t want to give up my desires and I sure as hell wanted to shut up Inferiority and If Only.
I won’t kid you; this took effort and time, but it is, hands down, the best thing I have ever accomplished for myself. I learned to accept and love myself, just as I am. To appreciate my uniqueness and celebrate my own voice. I learned that what I want matters. as I can contribute to others happiness, but I’m not responsible for it. That’s their own gig.
I learned to gag the liars, Inferiority and If Only and whatever other soldiers of defeat that they tried to sneak in. I believe in my divinity and yours and our unlimited potential and possibilities. I intend to always see myself and others in the highest light. A journey well worth taking, like finding freedom, freedom to be the true you that you are. I highly recommend it.
AMAZING